Ever since the dawn of time, art and literature has been a way to express oneself. While it may have not been physical, but rather verbal, art has manifested from the creativity of the human soul. Looking back on even the oldest, written story we have, The Epic of Gilgamesh, human beings have expressed their longings, yearnings, and outpouring of the souls in stories and art. We gamers look at video games in a similar way, taking in the majesty of amazing games such as Superman 64, E.T., and Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts and seeing the love and care that made these games so amazing. However, there is a series far greater than these, and if you’re an avid reader of this site, you obviously know that I am talking about The Legend of Zelda.

While there are many different games in the beloved series, they all take on a life of their own, differentiating themselves from the others in some way. In this series, we find a gem hidden in a vast desert of mediocrity, though. While games like Ocarina of Time and Breath of the Wild struggle to maintain audiences, there is one game that sours above the rest in every aspect. That’s right: Tri Force Heroes.

What is Tri Force Heroes?

I think a better question is: what isn’t Tri Force Heroes? Is it one of the weakest games in the series, characterized by odd design choices and draining gameplay? Absolutely not! How dare you assume such a thing! It is a work of beauty that surpasses even the heavens themselves. The Bible says that no man has ever seen the face of God and lived, but obviously, they never played this game. Its glory and majesty are like that of a deity as it surpasses everyone’s expectations. Tri Force heroes is a co-op masterpiece unlike any we’ve seen before! There are many things that Nintendo heard us yearn for and they delivered. They knew that everyone would want to play a game where you and two others vaguely communicate across sketchy internet servers to sold puzzles and trust each other. They heard the market’s cry for customization and delivered on it tenfold.

Sure, in Breath of the Wild, you can change different pieces of Link’s armor to better suit the environment and the enemy that you are fighting, but can you dress Link up like a cheerleader? Yea, I didn’t think so. Cooking? Why would you want to cook when you can create a human centiped- I mean totem pole of Links? If you cannot see the beauty in this, then you are truly lost.

The Story to End All Stories

When you think of winning combinations, what comes to mind? Chocolate and Peanut Butter? Cats and Motivational Posters? Obviously, the best example of a combination that makes perfect sense is The Legend of Zelda and fashion. Fashion is the one thing that every Zelda game has been missing and has since forgotten. Spoilers for Anyone That Hasn’t Played this Beautiful Game. The game Hytopia, a kingdom obsessed with fashion. Move over Princess Zelda because there’s a new Princess in Town: Princess Styla (get it? Like “style”). People love her and her fashion sense (as they should; fashion is the most important thing here) until a witch known as “The Lady” curses her, forcing an unremovable brown jumpsuit upon her. King Tuft (get it? Like a tuft of hair?), Hytopia’s ruler and Styla’s father, sends our a call for the hero.

See, there’s this prophecy that tells of three heroes coming together to form a totem pole. You might be thinking: yes. This prophecy is so much better than any we’ve had in a game before. And you would be right. This hero is, of course, be Link. He and two teammates travel to the Drablands (get it? Because if you’re drab, you don’t have style) to vanquish The Lady, allowing them to lift the princess’ curse. The mastery of storytelling goes above and beyond the paltry cutscenes and voice acting that we’ve seen in Breath of the Wild. There’s such a nuance to the jokes and the names of the characters as they subtly work in puns. This is why I had to explain the names; I thought them to be too clever and subtle for anyone to tell what they meant. I certainly had to do my own research before coming to such thought-out answers.

Best Zelda Gameplay

While Four Swords/Adventures “made sense” in having four-person co-op, who even has four friends that they can get into one room with their Gameboy Advances to play it? Now three friends: that’s doable. The basic premise is similar to FS in that the players go through different levels, completing them as a team. But Nintendo knows that we don’t have the attention to play through complex levels, so they’re short and sweet. They knew that the real puzzle would lie in the acquiring of and working with a team. People may find the lack of players in the game disturbing, but that’s no reason to fear. This is due to the game being so elite and taxing that very few people have the resolve and steel to play it.

Communication is key in any co-op game, but Nintendo has mastered the concept of communicating with the other players in a way that has never before been seen. Understanding Millennials’ love for emojis, the Big N went above and beyond by replacing communication that some would wrongly consider “viable” and “easy to use” with Link emojis. You can cheer people on, get their attention, tell them “No!” and more. Gone is the need for words: emojis are the future of online gaming.

Conclusion

Only the true Zelda fan and hardcore gamer can appreciate a game with the gravitas and nuance that Tri Force Heroes has. Casuals will say “but this isn’t a real Zelda game!” or “there’s literally no one to play with in this wasteland of a game.” To them I say: you’re not trying hard enough. The Legend of Zelda series can only go downhill from here. We have reached the top and come to the completion of years of trial and error. It is a sad state, to be sure, but at least we have this magnificent glory to bask in for all eternity.

This is because I lost the E3 bet between Andy and I on the Zelda Informer Podcast.

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  • K2L

    “taking in the majesty of amazing games such as Superman 64, E.T., and Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts”

    You know, as conceptually questionable as Nuts and Bolts was, to lump it alongside utterly dysfunctional games like S64 and ET, even as a joke, is outright depressing.

    As for TFH. I appreciate that you are defending the game (though I have the mild feeling you’re being satirical), but I’m still opting to pass on it. After playing ALBW, I prefer my next Zelda experience to be more, well, Zelda. Unfortunately, after my excitement towards BOTW died completely after its second delay (thus leaving me without any reason to get it), I may not live for long enough to see the next one (if there is a next Zelda game) and play it.

    • Theblueblur

      You don’t want to play Breath of the Wild?

      • No, he didn’t. Because delaying a game means it’s no longer worth his time apparently.

      • K2L

        After the game was delayed last year to match its release with that of the Switch, I got fed up with the long wait and decided it wouldn’t be worth playing. The fact the Wii U ended up not having its own Zelda game (unlike all other home console Nintendo systems) made my purchase of the console a lie and a fraud. And seeing as many fans are largely disappointed with the game itself (citing the weapon break mechanic, the poor quantity AND quality of the dungeons, and the story), this doesn’t seem to be the “new best Zelda game” many were hoping for.

        Besides, I don’t have a Switch yet (and NO WAY in hell am I even going to bother playing the inferior Wii U version), so it’s not like I’m going to play it right now if I changed my mind.

        • To be fair, the Wii U version is inferior but only slightly so. IT’s basically the same game.

          • Matt Kitt

            Doesn’t it like not play in 4k? Does anyone even have a 4k TV?

    • Sean Michael-Patrick Thompson

      So they took the time necessary to make the game good and that bothers you? Your comments below also refer to a very small minority. Can the very small handful of fans that don’t like the weapon system or the story cannot possibly sway a person to oppose a game that the masses have accepted as well as they have without even giving it a chance?

      The Wii U thing kind of sucks, but as a guy who bought a Wii U specifically with the thought of an eventual Zelda game in mind, I can say I don’t care that the game got a dual release. If I had to, I would gladly play this game on Wii U since the biggest difference is the resolution, and with the stylized graphics I think the Wii U version still looks okay. The way I see it, I got the option to play what I was expecting OR something slightly better on a system I could take on the go for an extra few hundred bucks. I still had a ton of fun with my Wii U, with two Zelda remakes, Hyrule Warriors, and even a few unexpected favorites like Nintendo Land.
      Due to difficult to control circumstances, however, there was not enough on the market to justify a single release. The Console deserved a unique Zelda title, but by the time it was able to get one, releasing it alone on Wii U would have been like giving birth to your favorite child onboard the titanic.

  • Sean Michael-Patrick Thompson

    The best part is that I can tell how little time you spent editing this.
    Great read. Keep this stuff coming.

    • Alfred Tabaks

      I try. You know, I figure that for a game that I love so much, I just need to be raw and unedited so that I can allow my feelings to flow from me to you.

  • Happy Mask Collector

    What… did I just read?? XD

  • Coqui421

    Why just randomly come for triforce heroes?

  • Matt Kitt

    This was inspiring. Now I want to write an article about how great Legend of Zelda: Link’s Adventure is

    • Matt Kitt

      And Spirit Tracks

      • K2L

        Well, I really liked those, so I would be interested in your article.

        • Matt Kitt

          As soon as I finish Spirit Tracks I’ll get to work

  • this has to be some kind of podcast punishment! lose a bet, alfred?

    • Zachie

      Read the end of the article. 😉

  • JessterK

    That was great. Can you write about how the Legend of Zelda cartoon embodies the character of Link better than any of the games ever could, and that any anime or movie adaption should look to it for inspiration?

    • “Looking good, Princess! Especially from this angle!”

  • Sarcasm aside, I’m really not sure why people keep ragging on TFH. I mean, some of the best gaming times I had with my friends was when we were playing FS, all yelling at each other, throwing others off of cliffs, and only pretending to co-operate. We were pretty excited when TFH was released, but unfortunately were only able to play the watered down single-card mode, since we were broke teenagers. It was still fun though, you could play together, but still goof off, there was enough of a co-op vs competitive balance to make play sessions really funny.

    Maybe before ragging on a perfectly fun game, ones should perhaps play it as intended, with friends that you like? Even if you can’t play local, it’s not hard to make some friends IRL or online to voice chat and play with.

    • you have only played single card mode
      to quote you “ones should perhaps play it as intended”

      • I never said that I have, just that mybe some people should. I recently bought TFH myself, and I’m waiting for a third.

        And either way, I enjoyed it on single card mode, and all us us having cards would’ve added more content, so that is sort of a moot point.

        • Kieroni: it’s not hard to make some friends IRL or online to voice chat and play with

          • I was pretty sure that was specifying that I had a third I was waiting on. Obviously you’re just a troll that’s arguing for the sake of arguing, so I won’t be feeding whatever grudge you seem to be having.

          • I was trying to slow-walk you to the realisation..

            Here it is plain and simple for you ..
            -the people who are “ragging on TFH”
            -are the ones you have already “played it as intended”
            -and you openly admit you’re still waiting to play it as intended
            -but you assume that this huge group of Zelda fans who are ‘ragging on it’ don’t know anything.

            Almost everyone who has played it as intended does not like this game.

            Here is another review from “ones” who has actually played it as intended I just found online:

            triforce heroes is fun for 5 minutes when you are playing with other beginners. Then when you get past the first 3 beginner rounds you run in to this: if you are able to find an online player at all, then you can’t find anyone that wants to do the same map as you, and if they get the map they don’t like they will be petty and end all the lives immediately. If they get the weapon they don’t want they will end the life immediately. If you pick a costume that they don’t want you to wear they will be petty and end all lives immediately.
            In battle mode there are some obvious noob-canon weapons and costumes.
            And almost every match there is someone who is rushing and ends all lives too quickly or can’t work out zelda puzzles… meaning nobody can progress.
            Also in the waiting lobby area you might match up with someone who has left their 3DS to wait for people. Theres no way to call them back to the game so you have to wait or quit and find new people again.
            Worst of all in the lobby area you can pick someone up and go stand in the corner and then that person can’t do anything at all. They will have to wait for you to throw them or quit. And when you combine that with all the other problems it makes you hate other players so much you get driven to madness and actually do that to someone so that they quit and leave your team alone….
            Sigh…
            And the waiting lobby area has only one entertainment mode, hitting a ball around. Its fun for the first few times but then no. Leave me alone with that damn ball. I’m here to play Zelda.

  • Theblueblur

    I’m saying this as some weirdo who enjoyed TFH for what it was (and would play it over PH or Oracles), so feel free to ignore me: Not a fan of this article and it’s overly sarcastic tone, even if it’s a joke.

    • Don’t worry, weirdos unite~

  • spacefan1993

    Besides this game and (oddly enough) Four Swords Adventures, I own and have played and beaten every Zelda game in the main series, even Zelda II (although beating Zelda II took me years to accomplish). Once I get the money, I will be sure to pick up both and beat them, providing some closure.

    But assuming this article was written sarcastically, with the actual intention that the game sucks, I just have this to say: at least they’re not the CDI games.

  • As somebody who has had to play this game from start to finish in one sitting FOUR TIMES, this article fills me with glee. Fun fact: did you know you can get a ‘connection error’ on multiplayer local mode, and it boots you from the game? You don’t even have to be connected to the internet and it boots you! It can be rage inducing. Thanks Nintendo.

  • Thomas Foolery

    Sarcasm aside, Tri-Force Heroes really was a mistake. lol

  • Xaragon

    The best part of the game is the ball in the lobby.

  • Joe Barber

    XD now do the same kind of article, but about Breath of the Wild! You know what, let ME write it, I have so much sarcastic garbage to say about that one as well.